Today I am reminded that the work of stewardship is not solely mine. I am reminded because the cords of anxiety and fear want to entangle my thinking that I "have to do it right, be perfect, and not make errors because I am handling the Lord's gifts. It is easy to think that stewardship is my work given back to Him for all He has done for me. Tricky isn't it. Stewardship is a relationship of trust and expectation of divine enablement first, right? I want to make it something I do for the Lord instead of with the Lord. But, in its most subtle temptation....it is something He and I do together. Can you hear the pride in even that?
When I get into states of anxiety about decisions and direction, I know I have taken this on as my work. I have found it easy to let go of my ownership of the "goods and property" only now discover that it is more difficult to give over the "work" to his ownership. I am so afraid that it won't be good enough or that I will look foolish or that I will make a mistake. I have full recognition that I am not skilled, gifted or educated in certain areas and yet hold myself accountable for them.
Now this is the kicker.
The Master reminds me humility and honesty are requisite for the Steward whom He has made to be "needy of others....besides needy of Himself". I hate that word, "needy" which tells me a whole lot about myself as a "prideful steward" who finds it difficult to say to others, I can't do this and I need help. I prefer divine enablement - not "human help".
O Lord, save me from myself!
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