The Steward's "muddlings" of the heart.

As I  write about the heart of the Steward, I am examining my own.  Seeking to peer into its chambers and discover what makes it throb with life or become sluggish and heavy, I desire to put feelings and decisions and thoughts into form that speaks truthfully.  Trafficking in unfelt truth is an occupational hazard for a pastor or teacher who presents things she knows nothing about.  To commend to others a life I have never lived or pose as a tour guide to territory on which I have never set foot would be both foolish and heartless.

I call these posts, "musings" - but perhaps a better word is "muddlings" because I am always surprised at what I find within my own inner sanctum.  I believe the heart is where the creeds are stored....those belief systems that have ruled our lives from hidden quarters.  These are hard pack fields that need "harrowing" experiences to dig down with a three pronged hoe so that the soil can be prepared for new seed.  Stepping out and risking new ventures will do that and I am sensing that the Lord Master is more interested in this process than He is in building the house.

My experiences with building this new Blessing House has exposed both hard packed aggregate rock  and swamps of muddy waters when it comes to faith.  This has surprised me, a woman of faith who has learned to live by faith in the Word of God against many odds.  But, now I recognize there is much more to learn about trusting God with things unseen.  I continue to struggle with "seeing" how God is going to provide and, therefore, carry the burden in sleepless nights.  But, each day I am renewed to take the next step casting the care of this project over on Him.

I am freshly thrilled at the thought that a mustard seed of faith has enough power to move mountains when it is spoken - mountains that lie without and within the heart.  So, it is my confession today that God has planted more than enough seed within my heart to break up the ground of my prideful and stubborn being and create the soil of a fruitbearing life.