I could hardly sleep last night as I considered all the difficult decisions and events ahead of me to complete this project of rebuilding the Blessing House. My heart quaked at the enormity of all that awaits me....all things I have never done before or know anything about. Yet, I am the Steward and for all my passion for the work, I am starkly aware of my inadequacies to make important decisions about things I have no experience with. I take deep breaths and tears come because I am not sure why The Father chose such an inadequate workman.
I know a lot about many things....but selling a house, setting up financial plans, finding a new place to live and a storage place for all of my household belongings while the house is being built sinks my ship. At the heart of my fear is that "God will not show up to help me." That fear has its claws deep in me and I must stand against it and take authority to cast it out.
Once again the only antidote is the Word of God which I have to read again in the middle of the night to calm my shaking heart. My fear has to do with the questions,"what if I make a mistake?" What if I jump ahead of God because of my fear and make foolish decisions?" The whole mess depends on trusting that God will intervene and bring about a good work anyway. Stewarding things I have no control over brings fear. So I must first Steward what I have - a heart and mind that is to be focused on the Lord and not circumstances.
I read in Ephesians about all things being placed in Christ for all that I need. When I look at myself as a source of wisdom and knowledge I panic. Jesus is the source of all I need - spiritual and physical. If this is not true, I am on my own to figure it out. And "figuring" isn't the same as faith.
So, first of all I receive PEACE knowing that I am not smart enough to figure it all out.
Then, from Him, I receive WISDOM and DISCERNMENT by listening to the counselors He has set around me. Their words will be received in my spirit as a yes or a no. The Lord will confirm direction by several witnesses of peace, unity and clarity.
The life of the Steward is dependent on this .life-long process.
Gail, I love this post.
ReplyDeleteAlthough my stewardship is primarily over my wife and children, and secondarily over Leading an Organization (and not over large finances or a major building project), I am humbled daily at my inadequacy to be the husband / father / manager / leader that I know I should be. In my weakness, God's power shines through and He provides me with His strength.
He parents THROUGH me. He loves my wife THROUGH me. He leads and manages my team THROUGH me. I stand in awe of that.
CB.