I am realizing that trust in the Master is highly influenced by my fear of failure. God is uncovering another layer of ownership in me that surprises me even as I write about it. Owning my own life domain, its reputation, credibility and influence sets me up for failure. It is sneaky how it works its way into the life of a Steward who claims to own nothing and to only work for the Master's glory.
If I fail, I fear that I would give the Master the black eye...but, really, it is my own "life" that is at stake. It can only be "at stake" if I am alive. But the truth is that the Christian has been crucified with Christ and no longer lives. Yet she lives, but the life she now lives she lives by the faith of the Son of God who loved her and gave His life for her. (Gal 2:20)
Death is the ultimate freedom from ownership. I have known that life for a long time - I call it my coffin theology. When I reckon myself dead to the world and alive to God, life goes better. When I could care less whether I succeed or fail because I have cast that care over on the Lord who invited me to, Life goes better.
The truth is I want to accomplish that which the Lord has given me to do - and in an excellent way. But the way I achieve my goal, is trusting Him to empower, direct, correct and inspire me daily as I go about my work. I am getting used to believing that He will deliver resources and people when I need them. But, it is a new spiritual skill - one which I have never had to develop before. I know how to make the most of what I have without having to expect more. But this new building project is pushing me into new arenas of trust.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Steward's Greatest Resource
The greatest resource given the Steward to govern is the Scriptures because it is the Master speaking. His Word is like none other and is the Royal Treasure I hold in my hand every day. One cannot know these things anywhere else because it comes from outside time and space. I reread Romans 9-11 again this morning because of all the explosions in the Middle East. Israel is in the middle of national volcanic action happening all around them and I wanted to read again God's perspective on Israel.
The landscape of the plan of God from the beginning is laid out with the valleys and mountains of His knowledge and wisdom with the river of grace running through the whole creation. When I read how complete is His knowledge and plan, I wonder at how I can be so foolish in my own doubt. Quite often lately, I ransack my own ideas about how poorly I perform and have misgivings about my own life management plan. But, when I read again about the Master's incredible wisdom and power, I am so happy that I am a Steward and have no illusions about owning anything in this world.
He assures me that the landscape and mapping of my own few years in the earth are as much in His hands as the world's history. Without this super-natural Word, I would not know that naturally. Being a good Steward requires being an avid student of the Word because it reveals the One I serve. The more I know of Him, the greater the rest in Him.
The landscape of the plan of God from the beginning is laid out with the valleys and mountains of His knowledge and wisdom with the river of grace running through the whole creation. When I read how complete is His knowledge and plan, I wonder at how I can be so foolish in my own doubt. Quite often lately, I ransack my own ideas about how poorly I perform and have misgivings about my own life management plan. But, when I read again about the Master's incredible wisdom and power, I am so happy that I am a Steward and have no illusions about owning anything in this world.
He assures me that the landscape and mapping of my own few years in the earth are as much in His hands as the world's history. Without this super-natural Word, I would not know that naturally. Being a good Steward requires being an avid student of the Word because it reveals the One I serve. The more I know of Him, the greater the rest in Him.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The Steward's off-day
I have had two days of waiting for others to come over, show up, call and/or attend a function here at the Blessing House. Nothing turned out as expected and so it feels like I "wasted" two days. What does that have to do with being a Steward? I questioned if I stewarded my time and planning well.
I wondered if the Master simply gave me some breathing space by canceling all the appointments which is cause to give thanks. I read that Jesus after riding into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday with all the celebration, simply went to the temple, looked around and went back to Bethany because it was late. That struck me as odd after so much drama. Maybe it was breathing space before the appointed week of Passover. Seemed a bit anti-climactic.
Here my weekend was all planned and nothing turned out the way I expected. My stewardship was spent in naps, waiting, not accomplishing much.
This reminds me that being a Steward is first of all "being" and not "doing" I am still not sure if being a Steward is a call or a choice or an action. Not everyone thinks of themselves intrinsically as stewards of the Master and yet, I have come to know myself first of all as a Steward. Not sure how that happened. But, my thinking and reflecting is always along those lines. Does anyone else think along these lines?
I wondered if the Master simply gave me some breathing space by canceling all the appointments which is cause to give thanks. I read that Jesus after riding into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday with all the celebration, simply went to the temple, looked around and went back to Bethany because it was late. That struck me as odd after so much drama. Maybe it was breathing space before the appointed week of Passover. Seemed a bit anti-climactic.
Here my weekend was all planned and nothing turned out the way I expected. My stewardship was spent in naps, waiting, not accomplishing much.
This reminds me that being a Steward is first of all "being" and not "doing" I am still not sure if being a Steward is a call or a choice or an action. Not everyone thinks of themselves intrinsically as stewards of the Master and yet, I have come to know myself first of all as a Steward. Not sure how that happened. But, my thinking and reflecting is always along those lines. Does anyone else think along these lines?
Friday, February 25, 2011
The Steward's Set of Realities
Once a person recognizes that she is a steward, the reality of the Master grows larger not only as the One to whom she is accountable, but, also to whom she must look for daily direction. This means that the whole nature of the spiritual realm becomes relevant. The principles of heaven, commands and covenants, resources and perspectives are hers to work with. The Steward is to operate from the spirit realm in a physical world that is operating in a different system called the flesh.
The "whining complaint" I spoke of yesterday comes out of the operating flesh system and is a common experience of us earthlings. It is of note, however, that even in the world, it is not welcomed. As I was complaining about my "complaining" to a friend, he leaned directly over his food and said, "Do you think you are powerful enough to ruin God's day?" Both my complaint and my complaining are all focused on me. Getting my focus off me, who is not all that powerful anyway, is like a course correction.
Truly, the Steward's focus on Christos and His work changes the day. I know how to live in the earth all by myself with some degree of success. But, living in the earth from the living truth of heaven's realities requires a constant watch and attention to the Word, communication through prayer, and walking with the Spirit's eyes and ears.
Being a Steward requires a whole new set of realities.
The "whining complaint" I spoke of yesterday comes out of the operating flesh system and is a common experience of us earthlings. It is of note, however, that even in the world, it is not welcomed. As I was complaining about my "complaining" to a friend, he leaned directly over his food and said, "Do you think you are powerful enough to ruin God's day?" Both my complaint and my complaining are all focused on me. Getting my focus off me, who is not all that powerful anyway, is like a course correction.
Truly, the Steward's focus on Christos and His work changes the day. I know how to live in the earth all by myself with some degree of success. But, living in the earth from the living truth of heaven's realities requires a constant watch and attention to the Word, communication through prayer, and walking with the Spirit's eyes and ears.
Being a Steward requires a whole new set of realities.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
A Steward's Thorn
I have been off-line due to delightful company here for the last four days. Grandchildren who never stop playing, a poodle who wants to be held constantly, friends and family - plus our mission family from the Ukraine who blessed us with stories, witness and friendship during the long days of winter storm. Life is full and abundant when one is in service to the Lord.
However, I do have a thorn in my side about this. Let me explain.
If someone were to ask me "How are you doing?", it is like falling into a pot -hole in a Minnesota road. In the miniscule silence between the question and the response, I begin the mental calculation of all that "I have had to do." Then begins that long description of how overwhelmed I am, how exhausting life is, and o yea - all that I haven't been able to get done. I use the word, "tsunami" a lot and then a listing of my inabilities to even do the work God has graciously given to enjoy.
When I have finally have taken a breath and am able to ask, "So, how are things going with you," I immediately regret the last five minutes, feel the stinging poke of the thorn and inwardly acknowledge my complaining spirit. The invitation to purge comes a lot and I am off and running at the mouth before I even think.
The Master has provided me with an exciting and stimulating life-style which includes many fascinating and exciting people who walk through my door. It is what the Blessing House is for and why I love working for the Master. So what is with that thorny problem of complaint.
As I sat before the Lord this morning, I realized the relationship between the thorn and my prayer life. Prayer is, also, a stewardship for which I must render an account; for prayer is spiritual capital that I have been given to achieve, produce and create the life God has awarded me. When I complain, I am splurging it on junk.
When I pray about each day and the people and events and tasks ahead of me....complaint has little room to manifest. The Steward negates The Life and Love in each day by complaining. The minute I have finished spewing, I know I have succombed to an old habit of sin that is poisonous to me and those who have to listen.
Taking my complaint to the Lord instead of others, changes the nature of the complaint into a conversation of confession, confusion and dismay which releases the tension and discouragement properly and allows the Holy Spirit to minister consolation, peace, and renewed hope like no human can. All those who listen to me must be patient, long-suffering and probably fed up with my whine. It does no good to anyone.
So, instead of asking me "How are you doing?", ask me "What is God up to lately?"
However, I do have a thorn in my side about this. Let me explain.
If someone were to ask me "How are you doing?", it is like falling into a pot -hole in a Minnesota road. In the miniscule silence between the question and the response, I begin the mental calculation of all that "I have had to do." Then begins that long description of how overwhelmed I am, how exhausting life is, and o yea - all that I haven't been able to get done. I use the word, "tsunami" a lot and then a listing of my inabilities to even do the work God has graciously given to enjoy.
When I have finally have taken a breath and am able to ask, "So, how are things going with you," I immediately regret the last five minutes, feel the stinging poke of the thorn and inwardly acknowledge my complaining spirit. The invitation to purge comes a lot and I am off and running at the mouth before I even think.
The Master has provided me with an exciting and stimulating life-style which includes many fascinating and exciting people who walk through my door. It is what the Blessing House is for and why I love working for the Master. So what is with that thorny problem of complaint.
As I sat before the Lord this morning, I realized the relationship between the thorn and my prayer life. Prayer is, also, a stewardship for which I must render an account; for prayer is spiritual capital that I have been given to achieve, produce and create the life God has awarded me. When I complain, I am splurging it on junk.
When I pray about each day and the people and events and tasks ahead of me....complaint has little room to manifest. The Steward negates The Life and Love in each day by complaining. The minute I have finished spewing, I know I have succombed to an old habit of sin that is poisonous to me and those who have to listen.
Taking my complaint to the Lord instead of others, changes the nature of the complaint into a conversation of confession, confusion and dismay which releases the tension and discouragement properly and allows the Holy Spirit to minister consolation, peace, and renewed hope like no human can. All those who listen to me must be patient, long-suffering and probably fed up with my whine. It does no good to anyone.
So, instead of asking me "How are you doing?", ask me "What is God up to lately?"
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Steward's Battle
I could hardly sleep last night as I considered all the difficult decisions and events ahead of me to complete this project of rebuilding the Blessing House. My heart quaked at the enormity of all that awaits me....all things I have never done before or know anything about. Yet, I am the Steward and for all my passion for the work, I am starkly aware of my inadequacies to make important decisions about things I have no experience with. I take deep breaths and tears come because I am not sure why The Father chose such an inadequate workman.
I know a lot about many things....but selling a house, setting up financial plans, finding a new place to live and a storage place for all of my household belongings while the house is being built sinks my ship. At the heart of my fear is that "God will not show up to help me." That fear has its claws deep in me and I must stand against it and take authority to cast it out.
Once again the only antidote is the Word of God which I have to read again in the middle of the night to calm my shaking heart. My fear has to do with the questions,"what if I make a mistake?" What if I jump ahead of God because of my fear and make foolish decisions?" The whole mess depends on trusting that God will intervene and bring about a good work anyway. Stewarding things I have no control over brings fear. So I must first Steward what I have - a heart and mind that is to be focused on the Lord and not circumstances.
I read in Ephesians about all things being placed in Christ for all that I need. When I look at myself as a source of wisdom and knowledge I panic. Jesus is the source of all I need - spiritual and physical. If this is not true, I am on my own to figure it out. And "figuring" isn't the same as faith.
So, first of all I receive PEACE knowing that I am not smart enough to figure it all out.
Then, from Him, I receive WISDOM and DISCERNMENT by listening to the counselors He has set around me. Their words will be received in my spirit as a yes or a no. The Lord will confirm direction by several witnesses of peace, unity and clarity.
The life of the Steward is dependent on this .life-long process.
I know a lot about many things....but selling a house, setting up financial plans, finding a new place to live and a storage place for all of my household belongings while the house is being built sinks my ship. At the heart of my fear is that "God will not show up to help me." That fear has its claws deep in me and I must stand against it and take authority to cast it out.
Once again the only antidote is the Word of God which I have to read again in the middle of the night to calm my shaking heart. My fear has to do with the questions,"what if I make a mistake?" What if I jump ahead of God because of my fear and make foolish decisions?" The whole mess depends on trusting that God will intervene and bring about a good work anyway. Stewarding things I have no control over brings fear. So I must first Steward what I have - a heart and mind that is to be focused on the Lord and not circumstances.
I read in Ephesians about all things being placed in Christ for all that I need. When I look at myself as a source of wisdom and knowledge I panic. Jesus is the source of all I need - spiritual and physical. If this is not true, I am on my own to figure it out. And "figuring" isn't the same as faith.
So, first of all I receive PEACE knowing that I am not smart enough to figure it all out.
Then, from Him, I receive WISDOM and DISCERNMENT by listening to the counselors He has set around me. Their words will be received in my spirit as a yes or a no. The Lord will confirm direction by several witnesses of peace, unity and clarity.
The life of the Steward is dependent on this .life-long process.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Steward's Prayer
I have found that dependence and trust in God's promises is the most unnatural thing to do. Every day I have to reorient my perspective and decisions with God's Word because my natural human tendency is to simply go my own way. I know I am edging that way when anxiety and uncertainty creates waves in my soul. This prayer helps me keep the perspective that I need when I am so tempted to panic and withdraw and waste time in figuring it out for myself. This prayer is what I needed this morning as I contemplated all the details of selling this house.
Let me keep in mind that my mortal body is but the servant of my immortal soul:
Let me keep in mind how uncertain is my hold upon my bodily life:
Let me remember that here I have no continuing city,
but only a place of sojourn and a time of testing and of training:
Let me use this world as not abusing it:
Let me be in this world, but not of it:
Let me be as having nothing yet possessing all things:
Let me understand the vanity of the temporal and the glory of the eternal:
Let my world be centered not in myself but it Thee.
With this dependence and trust re-established in the eternal perspective, I return to my work today without the pressure and stress of needing to make things work. Today, I shall be in faith and trust that whatever I set my hand to do will be done in love and to honor the King. I no longer need to worry about my day.
Let me keep in mind that my mortal body is but the servant of my immortal soul:
Let me keep in mind how uncertain is my hold upon my bodily life:
Let me remember that here I have no continuing city,
but only a place of sojourn and a time of testing and of training:
Let me use this world as not abusing it:
Let me be in this world, but not of it:
Let me be as having nothing yet possessing all things:
Let me understand the vanity of the temporal and the glory of the eternal:
Let my world be centered not in myself but it Thee.
With this dependence and trust re-established in the eternal perspective, I return to my work today without the pressure and stress of needing to make things work. Today, I shall be in faith and trust that whatever I set my hand to do will be done in love and to honor the King. I no longer need to worry about my day.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Steward looks back.
Fourteen days between daily musings is a bit irresponsible for a steward. Las Vegas and a week of catch-up certainly interrupted my routine but the Steward is not known necessarily for routine, but oversight of the times and events placed before her.
I read again about the defining nature of the Lord in the earth as a servant...a slave...one who was here strictly to do the will of the Father. Thirty years, he served as an unknown with daily chores, relationships, work to accomplish and tasks that would prove His character through testings of all kinds. The Father certainly is not afraid to take His sweet time in proving and defining His Steward.
In Las Vegas I attended a megachurch that I interned at in 1996. I was asked to become one of its pastors and had to refuse because of Jerry's death. This has been listed in my memory bank as a lost opportunity of "greatness". This visit, however, after 16 years of a vague sense of loss, confirmed that the Master had protected me and directed me back to Waconia, back to a small church with a little teaching ministry in my home.
Place of service for the steward is of the Lord's plan. I served Him as a wife and mother, neighbor and church member, community leader and friend. I learned to steward all these roles and relationships according to the Word of God. Then, after the death of two husbands and children launched, I was released to be a teaching pastor who traveled the world after the age of 50. The Blessing House, however, was divined of Him to be the focal point of my training and service in many of the Spirit's giftings during that whole period of time.
Each part of my life was training in the Word through study, prayer and obedience. Each assignment over the years was designed to teach me TRUST. At this point, I have come to understand that the heart of the Steward is soaked in the realities of heaven's principles, laws and challenges. The more my heart, mind and spirit are in line with the life of Christ as He walked this earth, the greater freedom I am experiencing from fear, confusion, and lack of direction. The Steward has places to be and work to do that are ordained before time. That gives me a lot of comfort, hope and joy as I look forward to the new challenge of redesigning four acres of Blessing House as a legacy for future generations.
I read again about the defining nature of the Lord in the earth as a servant...a slave...one who was here strictly to do the will of the Father. Thirty years, he served as an unknown with daily chores, relationships, work to accomplish and tasks that would prove His character through testings of all kinds. The Father certainly is not afraid to take His sweet time in proving and defining His Steward.
In Las Vegas I attended a megachurch that I interned at in 1996. I was asked to become one of its pastors and had to refuse because of Jerry's death. This has been listed in my memory bank as a lost opportunity of "greatness". This visit, however, after 16 years of a vague sense of loss, confirmed that the Master had protected me and directed me back to Waconia, back to a small church with a little teaching ministry in my home.
Place of service for the steward is of the Lord's plan. I served Him as a wife and mother, neighbor and church member, community leader and friend. I learned to steward all these roles and relationships according to the Word of God. Then, after the death of two husbands and children launched, I was released to be a teaching pastor who traveled the world after the age of 50. The Blessing House, however, was divined of Him to be the focal point of my training and service in many of the Spirit's giftings during that whole period of time.
Each part of my life was training in the Word through study, prayer and obedience. Each assignment over the years was designed to teach me TRUST. At this point, I have come to understand that the heart of the Steward is soaked in the realities of heaven's principles, laws and challenges. The more my heart, mind and spirit are in line with the life of Christ as He walked this earth, the greater freedom I am experiencing from fear, confusion, and lack of direction. The Steward has places to be and work to do that are ordained before time. That gives me a lot of comfort, hope and joy as I look forward to the new challenge of redesigning four acres of Blessing House as a legacy for future generations.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
The Steward's Gates into the Spiritual Realm
Thank you to all who have spoken to me or e-mailed your comments about the blog. They are encouraging. Do not be afraid to take issue with anything, however. God uses the adversary to speak into my life at times, because even criticism has some basis in truth. Friends don't always speak as freely as those who contend.
Writing is a form of confession - what I take time to write is more aligned with my belief than words spoken casually or private musings. But, those things, once written, can be judged when read - both providing conviction in favor, or in opposition to what I have written. Writing is a powerful tool for clarity as I record things gleaned from the Lord's presence. Who knows but what I will need these revelations and credal statements in the days ahead.
The Steward operates in the physical realm through the principles and eternal truths of the spiritual realm - just as the Master did. When I apply the principles of the natural life - the wisdom of our world system as written in many how-to books - I can get truly excited about making things happen for the Master. Principles of organization, promotion, leadership and success have been my morning breakfast for years. However, when they come to no end, or dissolve in frustration and resentment, confusion and lack of peace, my life as a happy Steward tanks and I consider some other calling.
Thankfully, I am learning to return to the reality that all the above mentioned principles are not wrong...but, if they are not applied in tune and time with the eternal realm ,it is wasted effort. The spiritual realm is the guidance system through the instruction of the Word by the Holy Spirit. If I am not able to "make things happen", it is a sign that I have once again turned to my own "highly developed methods and wisdom" instead of going to the Master.
This morning He instructed me according to Psalm 118: 19-21 on how to enter the gates of the eternal realm. These Gates of Righteousness through which I can freely go as a "righteous-one-made holy by the blood of the Lamb" are the gates of thanksgiving. These are the gateways into the Kingdom of Righteousness wherein dwells peace and joy and abundance. Jesus of Nazareth while in the earth walked through them all the time to receive instruction, direction and experience Love.
Gates into the spiritual realm are located on the path of thanksgiving that recognizes the loving provision already released in the Son of the Most High Father before the foundation of the world. So, I am learning to go into my meeting with the King through the Gates of Righteousness. As I bring my day or project before the dais, it is with thanksgiving in my heart for His provision, His love, and His ways of getting things done. But, is is not just in my heart. It is expressed out loud in declaration of 2 Cor. 9:8. I access peace and hope - joy and excitement for the day ahead as they all unfold before my eyes. He is always at work overseeing all the things and people I cannot and bringing them into line with His will for my assigned project. Ahh, the sweetness of the Lord's favor.
Writing is a form of confession - what I take time to write is more aligned with my belief than words spoken casually or private musings. But, those things, once written, can be judged when read - both providing conviction in favor, or in opposition to what I have written. Writing is a powerful tool for clarity as I record things gleaned from the Lord's presence. Who knows but what I will need these revelations and credal statements in the days ahead.
The Steward operates in the physical realm through the principles and eternal truths of the spiritual realm - just as the Master did. When I apply the principles of the natural life - the wisdom of our world system as written in many how-to books - I can get truly excited about making things happen for the Master. Principles of organization, promotion, leadership and success have been my morning breakfast for years. However, when they come to no end, or dissolve in frustration and resentment, confusion and lack of peace, my life as a happy Steward tanks and I consider some other calling.
Thankfully, I am learning to return to the reality that all the above mentioned principles are not wrong...but, if they are not applied in tune and time with the eternal realm ,it is wasted effort. The spiritual realm is the guidance system through the instruction of the Word by the Holy Spirit. If I am not able to "make things happen", it is a sign that I have once again turned to my own "highly developed methods and wisdom" instead of going to the Master.
This morning He instructed me according to Psalm 118: 19-21 on how to enter the gates of the eternal realm. These Gates of Righteousness through which I can freely go as a "righteous-one-made holy by the blood of the Lamb" are the gates of thanksgiving. These are the gateways into the Kingdom of Righteousness wherein dwells peace and joy and abundance. Jesus of Nazareth while in the earth walked through them all the time to receive instruction, direction and experience Love.
Gates into the spiritual realm are located on the path of thanksgiving that recognizes the loving provision already released in the Son of the Most High Father before the foundation of the world. So, I am learning to go into my meeting with the King through the Gates of Righteousness. As I bring my day or project before the dais, it is with thanksgiving in my heart for His provision, His love, and His ways of getting things done. But, is is not just in my heart. It is expressed out loud in declaration of 2 Cor. 9:8. I access peace and hope - joy and excitement for the day ahead as they all unfold before my eyes. He is always at work overseeing all the things and people I cannot and bringing them into line with His will for my assigned project. Ahh, the sweetness of the Lord's favor.
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